"For you sir, five million dollars" and other tales from the trenches

Since we are both former and future suburbanites, I thought we ought to collect some of our favorite New York stories--funny and freaky alike--so we can remember just how far removed from ordinary life living in the city can be. As they say, "you get all kinds".

I'd love it if our city friends would also drop us their favorite crazy NYC stories.

My personal favorite (in the freaky category):
I was waiting at the subway elevator at 207th St. with Thomas and an older Asian fellow. Thomas, of course, was chatting away at this man since no amount of threatening and telling stories of dangerous adults seems to deter him from telling every person he meets everything about him and us. The man was smiling indulgently. As we got on the elevator, the man turned to me and said, "Your son, he is very smart."
Me, flashing a brief, tired smile: "Yes."
Him: "You want to sell him?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Him: "How much would you sell him for?"
Me: "He's not for sale."
Him: "Ah. But if you do sell him, how much would you want?"
Me: "Nothing! He's not for sale!"
Him: "Five million dollars?"
At this point, I've got my hand on Thomas's collar and have yanked him hard behind me. "He IS NOT for sale."
The elevator, FINALLY, makes it to the street level and opens. The man is still smiling at us. "Have a nice day," he says, sounding, I swear, disappointed.


Nate's favorite (in the funny category):
Getting on the subway after work, Nate was approached by two teenagers, a boy and a girl, who launched immediately into a well-rehearsed story about being on the street, desperately hungry, and needing cash now. Nate was coming home late so he had gotten dinner at work, the leftovers of which he was bringing with him. Rather than give them cash, he told them, "Well, I've got some gnocchi and some tiramisu here." When he said "gnocchi" the boy's face screwed up in disgust and he rolled his eyes at the girl. "I guess we'll take the tiramisu," he said, so Nate handed it over and the two went on their way.


We managed to catch this guy, wish we had gotten a picture, on one of our first trips to Central Park. We were following what sounded like a woman singing opera and ended up at his "prayformance". He had made up the language he was singing in, as well as an entire imaginary geography and set of peoples, "The Festad", maps and descriptions of which are available on his website www.skthoth.com (though I see right now it's down for repairs). A documentary about his life won an oscar a few years ago. The music was okay (and his falsetto really impressive), but the overall silliness made staying for more than a few giggling moments impossible. We did leave him a little money, though, I think.