To you stay-at-home moms out there, ever have one of those moments where all your kids are somewhere else while you're at home doing whatever and then you COMPLETELY FREAK OUT BECAUSE WHERE THE @#&#%*! ARE MY KIDS? You think for a second that maybe they're napping, but wait, it's morning, or they're outside, but wait the swing set is empty, or OH NO I HAVE LOST THEM! But then you remember. They're somewhere else (like a friend's house or something) and you, while crazy, are not a bad mother who has misplaced them somewhere. I mean, I've tried explaining that one to Nate and boy, it never goes well. "So wait...what happened to the kids?" "Uh, I had them just a minute ago. Let's see--I was in the kitchen and I think I set one of them down on the counter. I could have sworn the other one was in my bag..."
So I'm having a quiet morning here with my poptart while T is at summer camp and a good friend is having Sethie come over and play with her two-year-old and after about every third bite of delicious nutrition-free frosted berry sweetness, the quietness gets to me and I do the WHERE THE @#&^*! ARE MY KIDS? freak-out. All summer, I've always had one of them with me. While T is at summer camp, Sethie is at home. While Sethie is napping, T and I work on reading. After Sethie gets up, the three of us go bike-riding or pool-swimming or backyard squirrel-scaring--you know something appropriately summery--and then we have dinner and they trade bedtime stories for a little extra Wii Lego Batman action and then they go to bed and I take a breath and Nate comes home.
I AM NEVER ALONE.
What do you do when you're alone? I was going to clean my upstairs bathroom this morning. Oh yeah. To be clear, I'm not some kind of clean freak who gets excited to get rid of the kids for a moment so they will stop polluting my pristine environment. That bathroom hasn't been cleaned for at least two weeks. Maybe longer. The bathtub grout mold is sprouting condominiums. The soap has fuzzies. Yesterday, the leftover hair clippings from Nate's razor picked it up and walked off with it Lilliputian-style and I haven't seen it since. So yeah, I should probably clean the bathroom while there is no one around to bug me.
At some point, I am going to be alone a lot more. T is starting full-time school this fall and Sethie is going into a two day a week preschool and I will become, at least for six hours a week, unnecessary to their immediate well being. I can't clean the bathroom twice a week (okay, I probably could, but I'm not going to). Besides, the cleaning never really ends. Clean something once and in a few hours it has become uninhabitable again. (well, uninhabitable for humans over the age of 21. Pint-sized miters can live quite comfortably in heaps of dirty laundry for many months, so long as they have remembered to pack in crackers and peanut butter) So that's a waste of free time. I have other things I used to more aggressively pursue: writing, and reading, and game programming, and pastry-baking, and violin-playing, and etc. and furthermore and whatnot. Is that who I still am?
If so, why in my free time am I still wondering WHERE THE @&%#*@&! ARE MY KIDS?
5 comments:
I'm sure you'll get accustomed to being alone all to quickly. Of course you freak out, because that has been your primary focus for the last 5 years!
Now you can rediscover your other interests - or discover new ones. Maybe you should level up a World of Warcraft character and play with me. ;-)
I so relate to this post...and I have been feeling this keenly lately...I am realizing that in just three short years ALL my children will be in school.
Holy crap.
It's only even been the last couple that I have had the time or frankly even the desire to figure out who I am now.
And surprisingly...in many ways I am different than what I was...mostly for the good.
It's a journey. Enjoy.
I do that during the summer when some of my kids are in CA and the others are here...it is hard to go from 6 people to 4. Enjoy the time...read without interruption...get out a project that they would "destroy" because of their interest in it.
You are not alone...just the other day I was calling for Jessie and looking all over for her when I saw that the front door was unlocked and I remembered that she had left (about 2 minutes before) to take the dog for a walk. It happens to all of us at some point in time.
Love you guys!
Mara, Mara oh how I relate. You are so relatable--in every way. I think I had better go clean my bathroom. Condominiums???! That is classic! I loved it! :D
LMAO!!! That is great and I can feel your pain! Even though mine is never gone EVER! I still will be sitting there and realize the house is too quiet and freak out. LOL Then I'll find him in some corner just playing quietly or staring out the front windows. It really does just drive you crazy.
meg
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